Crocodile tears, or how unexpressed pain eats your human decency

It has been i week now i left the middle east, sailing on the Ostsee, near to the place i was born has given me some space inside to work my impressions of the conflict area.

Especially difficult for me to see my israeli friends suffer from emotions of pain and self-pity, because they are leftist israeli’s. This means that even the most intelligent and cultured israeli’s are not seeing really what their country is doing.

Although i don’t oppose the fact that jews should have a place in the world where they can live and be safe from anti-semitism, i do oppose zionistic colonialism as it is expressed now in the west bank. So i will tell you my final impressions of the palestine trip:

On my last day i went to friends in Israel to make a reflection of my experiences in Palestine. Arriving tired, dirty and hungry, they took care of me and made me ready for my travel trough the highly secured Ben Gurion Airport. Which is an experience in itself…

Anyway, at the lunch, while eating schnitzel and getting some kaffee and kuchen we discussed what i had seen in Palestine, the settlements, the random violence and the intimidation. And to my surprise my israeli friends reacted so emotional and defensive to what i had seen, and came up with childisch reactions about the little hurts the palestinians where giving them.

The tone and the taste of self-pity was underlying the conversation with my friends, they were obviously stuck in pain and unable to transform their feelings of hurt. So much that they were blinded to the fact that the other people are suffering from their overwelming militairy and colonial presence of the zionists.

David Finkelstein, the author and journalist, himself a child of two holocaust survivors has analyzed this problem while doing a speech in an american university. A girl in the audience starts expressing her pain and using it as an excuse to why israel is causing so much damage to other people. And then Finkelstein reacts very strongly, telling her to stop her crocodile tears. He mentions that his parents, even though big victims of holocaust violence, told him to stop inflicting the violence that oneself had suffered from.

I think that any israeli that does not speak out against the religious colonization of their country, state, neighbours and democracy is complicit in it’s moral downfall. The moment where you lose the ability to critisize your state, it becomes insensitive, discriminative and lastly murderous for the people that will not accept the moral decline. Expressing feelings trough art has just become even more IMPORTANT, in combination with a functional jurisdiction and other elements of separation of power. Israel becoming a jewish state, is not helping.

Someone that sees the power of expressing feelings in this occupation is Ramzi. He started Al Kamandjati music school, the school that has organised the Beethoven cycle every summer since 9 years, and this years’ final with the performance of Beethoven’s Ninth symphony; “Alle Menschen werden Brueder”.

Ramzi’s story is quite impressive, because he was brought up in one of the refugee camps that were created after the israeli’s soldiers won the war of 1948 and 1967 and in effect cleansed many territories of palestinians. As a kid he expressed his anger towards the people that kicked him and his family from his land by throwing stones.

For quite some while, due to his agility he was able to dodge the sharp bullets they fired at him. But at age 11 he was shot for the first time. Already this scenario of the grown up soldiers that shoot live bullets at children with rocks is an impressive metaphor for the whole situation.

Anyway, at some point Ramzi realized that music was a better way to fight the occupation instead of stones.. He mentions that without the occupation he probably would not have found a need to express musically. One day he got a violin and then a viola and he even enjoyed a musican education in Angers, France. Another example of how important it is to express feelings, to find a way to stay human in a inhumane situation!

For me personally this is also very important as a musician, on the one hand i am amazed what detail and perfection can be achieved by some musicians, how big their star can rize and all the things that come with that.

But the political aspect, that some musicians seem to neglect out of puritan reasons, is the most important for me. To be able to get the music there  where it is needed the most, is one of the main reasons i want to be a musician. To make a political difference in the world with art! Because music is intrisically political, Ramzi understands this as well and is a very fine example of someone who puts this wisdom into practise!

To meet Ramzi is special for me, because he is a man with a vision. He started the school out of nothing with a vision for a palestine that has it’s own integrity secured. I also carry a vision, that started growing in me since i decided to stop the violence in myself. Refusing to passing it on, and to transform it into beauty.

I have been struggling, or my ego has been struggling a lot with the responsability of carrying a vision of music and politics. To enjoy the adolescent life of party, meeting women and to feel the lightness that many of the young europeans take for granted; missing out on that has not been so easy for me.

Meeting Ramzi, Shehada and other Palestinians for whom their vision is so important has made me see that having a vision is something special, although difficult in the beginning.

But sooner or later the people that fit to the vision will come, and they will come to stay. Seeing and feeling the depth of Ramzi, gave me a lot of strength to continue my vision of music and change. I will just keep going inside, because that is where the script lies for my vision, so that it can unfold marvelously.

Just like Thich Nath Hanh told me, to stay true to oneself no matter the challenge or situation. Also Mandela took his time so his vision could grow.

Namaste and see you soon Palestine